Seasons in my Life

I don't know about you, but I have had many seasons in my life that are great and not so great, not so fun, but God said that they never would be, I just trust in Him that He knows what He's doing. I am a full time college student, also a wife, mother, friend and cashier....To think that I can do this, I am like are you nuts????LOL but God wouldn't have me go through this process, if He didn't think I could do it! I have been in school almost a month, and there isn't a day that doesn't go by that i am not thankful for Him and His presence in my days, Every time I wake up and get ready, I am tired and just want to sleep, I tell Jesus first and foremost, good morning, and I then let Him know He is welcomed in my day, and to give me strength and understanding to do what it is I need to do! I have a Pre Algebra test tomorrow, which I am really nervous about, Yes its a test, We all get tested in life, I studied, and still am studying, and I know because I have studied and am prepared that I will do fine, But in life its not that simple, you yes have to sometimes have to be prepared, but sometimes Jesus just pops some up on you and you have the choice to either Pray and ask Him to show you and direct you where you need to go, or you just pray that you pass, We all need to be prepared, either in a class setting or in life! Don't always assume that your going to get it the first time, trust me I know, I have had a mountain, that i have finally stepped over and not looking back, plenty of times! To many to count! I was told by a great friend that you vent, you talk about it till your healed! She's right! So in conclusion just don't ever doubt where you are, God has reasons why your going through the things your going through!

Disconnected

Lately I have been feeling so disconnected from people,from life and most of all from GOD, I don't know what it is, I just feel as though, i am going on auto pilot and I am just going with the motions, and all the while, i am just seeing things flash before me! GOD is this a test, are you taking me thru another season in my life? I know that it was coming and I knew things were starting to shift, i just didn't realize it was going to happen this quickly, Father I don't know whats going on, I feel as though I am not as close to as i would like to be, Is that because Your taking me thru another season in you? I don't want to be away from you, you have been my only #1 constant in my life, your the only one who has kept me safe and sane, Father with out you I can do nothing, Without you I am nothing, SO I ask, What is going on? Why Am I feeling this way? I am sorry if I had put things ahead of you, or allowed my life and busyness get in the way, I want to be closer to you, i want to have a one on one time with you, I miss our times together, I miss feeling you next to me, I miss your heart beating! I miss sensing you day in and day out! Please don't leave me, I know that you wouldn't you promised me that you wouldn't! Why am i feeling this sense of over whelming take place? I am so anxious and nervous about unneccessary things, And I can't for the life of me shake this feeling, So please I ask you to shed some light on this, Because I am tired of not knowing whats happening, I know that Its al in your hands, and that you have it in control, I am trusting you with all that I am and all that I have!!! Theres days that I don't even feel like me some days! Its like I am just going with the emotions, I don't want to live another day with out your security and knowing that your my life and my salvation! I miss you Jesus, Father GOD Daddy! you have helped me so much these past few weeks, you have stretched me and taught me that things are going to work out if i were to trust you, WEll I am trusting you all the way, WHY should I have to carry on alone, When you want to take my worries,frustrations, anxieties and just carry them off of me! I release this all to you this time and day! I don't want ot feel disconnected from you anymore! I want to sense you, feel you, Love hearing you talk to me! your my best friend! I don't know what I would do with out you! you get me, and understand me, I am tired of trying to prove to others I am worthy enough to be a part of there crowd and group, I know that you already have! I am no longer going to concern myself with people like that anymore, Its you and me all the way Jesus! My heart and soul cries out and belongs to you! Show me a way to love others the way you want me to, Show me love thru you the way you see me! I want to live for you and I want to die with self! I know its not easy and I know its painful, but GOD your pruning me and getting me ready! I love you Jesus, Your my sweet best friend! I will never be ashamed to proclaim it! you have done so much for us, Why would i? Hear my heart cry! Hear me tel you over and over that I can't live with out you, i can't breathe with out you, My soul is ever thirsty and hungry for more and more! I want my cup to fill and fill and runneth over! Please wrap your arms around me and never ever let me go!

CONFIDENCE

Why is it so hard to be confident? Why is it a struggle to know that when you give yourself to GOD that you will know that in and thru Him your more confident then when you were? Because we allow the enemy to steal that from us, Lately I have been regaining mine back from for so long by allowing GOD to guide me and show me in what areas I need to change and fix, i know its not been perfect, But GOD has been helping me regain that! I know this is odd, But I have been wanting to do my hair and makeup because that is what makes me more confident, I am happy with who GOD designed and created me to be, But I want to look even more confident and if that means doing my hair and make up, well Hey that is awesome, I know that GOD doesn't look at the outer appearance but he looks at the inner part of me, But He loves me anyway. I just started reading A Confident Heart, and its not going to be easy, but I know that thru that book GOD is going to start revealing things that I need to work on! He said this journey would never be easy, but when we have our eyes on HIM, its going to be less complicated, then doing it with out his guidance! Its awesome knowing that He holds my every tear and my every dream and desire, to know that when the time is right He in HIS time will reveal it to me! Its like I am going on auto pilot some days, but in all reality I am not, He doesn't want to reveal what HE's doing all at once, He did that once and lets just say I couldn't physically handle it, SO He's going to start slow! He is an amazing GOD, I am so honored that I serve a GOD like HIM and that He is the one I always tend to run to! Lately I have been concerned with what my friends thought about me or how I looked, or what group i was with, Well Not any longer, Like the verse says Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the Pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. then you will be able to test and approve what GOd's will is his good,pleasing and perfect will. I am starting to understand that, and to see that I no longer need to worry myself or my life with this, I need to just focus on what He's going to be doing in me, and who the people I come in contact with, He has me on a new path and a new season, and I don't need people to fulfill me any longer, yes the fellowship is nice having that relationship is nice, BUT the fulfillment and the approval is all I need and I am looking to my Heavenly Father for that. Its not going to be easy every day I may fall off but I know what to do when that happens,Cry out to GOD and ask for his help, He is my Shelter in a storm, and He protects me from the things of this world!Trust has always been an issue, BUT I know that when I fully and I mean fully release things over to HIM he can take me on a higher level then I have ever been on!

Beautiful

I am so thankful for the Beauty that GOD has for me, I never lack in the things around me, The sky is like a canvas for Him to paint on, Everytime I look in the sky I am always amazed at how wonderful HE is, I think He just paints the sky just for me! I am just amazed how Much HE really really loves me, It took me walking away from a friendship to realize that! I love that I can open HIS word and just getting a piece of him, I can be closer to HIS heart that way, His love letter for me is awesome! The cares of this world and the people never stack up to what GOD is. He wants me, and not my abilities and not my talents, HE wants ME! As I am sitting here Pondering things, He just wants me to have an open and receiving heart for HIS unfailing LOVE, SOMETIMES I wonder what HE's doing, but that isn't for me to worry or concern myself, but to trust the process is a good thing! And to enjoy the ride! I look back on where I have been and where I was, and I can't believe that thru all that GOD is still pulling me thru, I am not done with this race, and I am continuesly trusting in HIM to get me thru! ITS not been an easy one, I have to had let some friendships go because that season was over, and I am in a new season! I am not hurt anymore or angry, just relieved that I don't have to struggle with trying to make them happy!That I can move forward in this thing called Life and be continueing my healing! 2Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom! I am choosing to be free from all things in my life, I am choosing to let things go, I am choosing to Grow UP in GOD and move on! I am not going to be looking back! I believe that HE has something amazing for me, I am trusting that HE knows what he's doing! Lord My heart is open and ready, so do what you may in me! I am yours!!!!

Seeking Approval from others

Why is it we are always wanting to seek approval from others? Why do we always yearn for that? I know I blogged this yesterday, But I am just curious, Why aren't we happy just knowing that GOD sees us worthy and that He sees acceptable enough? Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of GOD? Or am I trying to please men? If i were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of GOD. This verse just gets me, Its like no matter HOW much GOD has done for us, WE are still yearning for that thing to fill the void in our lives, Things here on Earth will never be enough but our Father's Love should be more then enough, He's not left our sides, He has given us the will to choose Him or our own lives, But I have figured out that with out Him I am more incomplete and more lost then I have ever been! So why would I chose things rather then HIS love, I mean He sent His one and only Son to Hang and be beaten on the cross for me, So the least I can do is, Love HIM and choose HIM!!!! I mean I know He put things on Earth for us to enjoy, But in moderation, As long as we don't take our focus completely off of HIM, I mean think about it, Will that out fit please you, Will that Style be more important then what GOD wants, Is it really important to be a part of a cliq, and have favorites? Or is it important to love those that sometimes feel like that they don't belong? I know where I belong, and I don't need to be a part of a cliq to know where I fit in, and Who I belong to, But it is nice to have friends to talk to, to connect with, But if its going to be a problem to even try to fit in, then Why waste my time? Its like putting a square peg in a round hole, It just won't work, So why would I want to have friends like that, that don't accept and approve me flaws and all? They aren't worth my time and energy! I always wanted to be popular and fit in, But like I said yesterday, I am not meant to, I am meant to stand out, I was watching my son play at the splash pad, and I was telling my friend that, I can pick him out of a crowd any where, because he's my son, and GOD made only one of HIM, just like me GOD can pick me out of a crowd, HE made only one me, and I stand out to HIM, while I may not here, I am def. doing that in HIS sight, SO why in the world do I care so much about what people think about me? Why is it so important to me about being approved by those that clearly care less about how I am feeling and they do to a point! When all along GOD already approves of me, and He thinks more highly of me then any friend that say they are my friend, but Only out of convienence! When there other friends aren't available, I am highly worth and more valuable then anything! So in conclusion, Be the person that GOD created you to be, and Don't let peoples attitudes and favoritisms dicatate your calling! He already chose you, and He already picked you! Just focus on Who and What GOD wants you to be and the rest will fall into place!

Acceptance

Why Am I always trying to strive to fitting in? When I already fit into God's kingdom, and He already accepted me? He doesn't care the kind of clothes and the way i do my hair or my ministry that I am, SO why am i so wanting to feel others acceptance? then in the long run getting hurt by them? I know the Bible says that I have been called by HIS name, I have been redeemed by HIM, and That I am HIS special chosen, That I belong to HIM, That I don't have to strive to fit into HIM he already loved me in the very beginning! I know we all long for that fellowship with others and we long to fit in, But i Have come to the realization that I have not been put in this world to fit in, I am here to stand out and Shine out for HIM, and that, I don't need to waste my time on those that are seriously into there selves and wanting to be popular, When all along i already was, GOD already sees me as who I was meant to be, And that is HIS special chosen, and that I am going to reach those that have felt the rejection and hurt and pain, That I am and have gone thru! I am HIS and that will never change, HE loves me unconditionally, and He will never leave my side, esp. when things get bad, or rocky! HE will always be there to catch me when I fall! I don't need a friend who just wants it to put stipulations on the friendship and I don't need someone to say well i will only be there as long as.....GOD is always there and will never ever put stipulations on our relationship, THATS not who HE is! HE loves unconditionally even when at times I don't deserve it, I know I am a big BRAT, but He chose me and He is using me! I have had friends who said that they would never go anywhere, but really they would say I would be there when it was convienent for them and when they weren't around there cliq, then I would be good enough to talk to, But GOD not once would do that, HE was and always there, to fellowship with and to talk with, and He is always guiding me and directing me! I never have to worry about that! I never have to feel abandoned when I am with HIM, He knows my heart and hears my pain and my loneliness, He's always around! It breaks my heart to see others go thru this, but I know that thru all this, I can say I know a person who will never be any of those, And that is GOD, HE sent His son to the Earth to feel all that, and HE never once gave up hope on any of us, HE loved us so much that HE died on the Cross so we can be redeemed by HIM! SO it is that very reason, THAT i haven't ever turned my back on GOD, because HE has been by my side thru thick and Thin and loved me no matter where and who and what I have done and came from! I am HIS daughter and HE loves me so much! ITS an overwhelming love that I just want to share with others! So when you feel alone, Just know that there is a GOD who would do anything for you, His son already paid your ransome, Never give up hope because HE's just waiting for you to call out to HIM!!! If I can go thru a an abused childhood,divorced home, rejection, hurt and still turn to GOD, then I know you can to!

God's Grace

I know that God is taking me on a New Journey, but sometimes I wonder if I am to step aside certain situations or what He's wanting me to do, I know its awesome, Each day is a new day, I know His mercies are new every day, I know that I am learning each step of the way, Lately I have been pulling myself away from certain people, Not sure what is going on, But I know that GOD does, i know there are things He is trying to work out in me, I know that in order for me to grow, He wants me to step aside and do the work He needs to do, BUT why is it so hard to let him? When He is the master of all things! So Why is it so Hard for me to trust in Him? I know in my heart that some things are changing, i sense things, Its all so overwhelmingly fast, But I know that the outcome is going to be AMAZING, But for now I guess I am to just ride the wave and just enjoy the ride! I need His Grace to just get through every day, I have no idea sometimes on what I am doing half the time, but i guess thats the wonder of it all! That He knows, And that He is carrying me day by day to where I am supposed to go! My heart is so heavy and I want to cry, but no tears! Father what are you doing to me on the inside! I was reading in the bible that I am on a race and that there are earthly prizes, But my prize will last me forever, and that is my Heavenly Prize, I know I am not here to please people only My GOD, so Why am I so wanting to please people, Why I always looking for acceptance, When He's already accepted me already the day He sent His son to the cross for me? SO Father Please help not to focus on being a people pleaser but being Jesus Pleaser! Lord tomorrow when I rise up, I pray that you will just guide me, and that you will show me how to live my every day life for you! I don't want to hinder your progress in me! I hand it all over to you, Teach and show me Forgiveness to those who have hurt me or who have brought any offenses to me, But also help to protect myself but in love from those who have hurt me! I Peter 5:8 Be self controlled and alert, your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for some one to devour, Resist him standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are under going the same kind of sufferings! 2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight I have finished the race I have Kept THE FAITH. now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day and only to me, but also to all who longed for his appearing! God i have fought a fight, But I know this race isn't finished, i don't want to give up, i want to keep fighting until i can't fight no more! Father give me strength in this battle to get to my goal and my prize! I am asking for you Grace and Mercy I know that I don't deserve, Each new day has its challenges, So I am asking for you help! i am asking for Patience,self control and mercy and love to those that I feel that don't deserve it, but I want to love like you do for me!