Judgements

Do you ever have the feeling that your being judged by others? Or feeling small?

Well I have, and still am. Its like no matter how hard I try to be myself, I am ridiculed or judged on how I am doing things. I believe I am old enough to make my own decisions, I am not stupid, so stop treating me like I am. I am not perfect and sometimes I may say or do things that I don't mean to. YES, I may from time to time stick my foot in my mouth (not literally speaking). I tried to apologize and you making me feel smaller than I already am, ISN'T helping. I already don't feel like I have a place in the ministry and having someone tell me what to do, or having others making me feel more like crap isn't helping either. I know I have a long ways to go in changing, but I am not going to change over night. Can't wait to have just a moment to myself where I can let God in and just let him love on me, I thought church was supposed to be a safe place. I feel as though its a place of cliques, favortisms and ignorance. I sometimes feel discouraged, wondering if I am even supposed to be in the ministry I am in. I just don't know where I belong anymore! God please speak to my hurt heart and just give me wisdom in the next step of my life.

Marriage is a Sacred Union

When I say that marriage is a sacred union, I mean it be between a man and a woman. I have experienced my shares of let downs of having high expectations in my marriage. How I should be treated or how things should go. It wasn't until Pastor Larry's sermons on conflict that it brought it to my attention that I won't have that perfect marriage, and a lot of us don't. The thing that is important is that we include God in our marriage ALWAYS....I am going to get transparent here, I have come from a broken home, and seeing my parents never get along and seeing my mother always cry and hide and push away those that love her, did something to me. I have noticed that when I am hurt I tend to do the same thing. My husband and I have been married will be 13 years this August and we have been through our shares of fights, disagreements, sorrows, happiness, laughter, adventures and many other experiences. God has something major in store for not only he and I, for Micah as well. Sometimes the things that set us off are petty things, well Monday we had a disagreement on how to punish our son for his behavior in school, it could have been dealt with in a calm matter but there were voices raised and luckily Micah was outside when all this was taken place. I don't say this to brag about our fight, I say this because the enemy tried to divide our family and break that cord that is being held together by God and the enemy doesn't want us to succeed and he's not happy that we have some awesome things in store. It wasn't until that night late that I realized that it is what it was. An attack. 
       I want to encourage married couples out there to be on guard, because God has something for all of us and he wants us to be happy, the enemy clearly doesn't, why do you think he's' trying so hard to bring destruction? Because he doesn't want us to go forward into the kingdom. The thing that ticked me off about this, was that our son who's nine was being used as the pawn and I didn't realize that till a dear friend pointed that out to me today. That was when I figured you know what, I am not going to give the enemy that kind of satisfaction, So I texted my husband and apologized even though I didn't feel I was wrong, I want there to be peace in our home, I am getting tired of allowing the enemy to win.
   My point to all this is to pray, don't give up, NO Matter what, now if your in a dangerous marriage or situation then you need to get out. But I am talking about those that are going through a spiritual war/fight, its not us that we are fighting with, its the darkness that we have some how managed to allow in our lives. I want to encourage you that, it will get better, I know that it won't be over night, but I know with prayer and support from others, it will. I just don't want to have a marriage like my parents had. I want our son to feel safe and secure and not have to grow up wondering if his mommy or daddy are going to fight, or leave and never come back. THAT will never happen, for a few days yes, but not to the point where we aren't going to be here. It is ok to get out and clear your heads, its not ok to leave without explanation, when all said and done, There needs to be forgiveness. My motto is if God could send his son down here to be beaten, flogged and mocked and then die for me and my sins. Then I can forgive, God gives me grace EVERY single day, Especially when I don't deserve it. That is why God loves us, James 4:6 says "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." It's in our humility that he gives us grace. I will admit, I am very prideful in areas. I don't want to be, i want to be humble and say no matter what God I want to always do the right thing. Forgiveness and Grace are two factors in a marriage. Don't EVER EVER go to bed upset or angry, I want to tell from experience it doesn't feel well waking up and feeling remorseful and upset. I am one to admit I tend to hang onto grudges, I am doing better at that. I want to be who God designed me to be and that is a forgiving person and a person who can offer grace no matter the circumstances.

The Light of Jesus will pierce the Darkness

I am sitting  here reading God's word and a lot of what I am reading is lining  up with what's going on around us. I didn't know how to blog or write this, but I chose to say The Light of Jesus will pierce the darkness. You read many times in the bible the light and how God will pierce through the darkness. We as a nation are surrounded by it, WE don't have to be. WE as Christians need to stand up and pray and intercede, the enemy is trying SO hard to rear his ugly head, but I know the truth, I k now that in the end he's lost and already has, God has already defeated him. I was reading today, that we can't be listening to false preachings and those who are trying to say other things that AREN'T God breathed. We need to be alert and aware even more then before. Now is the time to stand up and take back what is rightfully ours and that is God's inheritance WE are God's INHERITANCE. So many times we have forgotten that and have allowed the worldly things get in our way of that. We need to not be complacent with this world. I have said it before and I am going to say it again, THIS WORLD IS NOT OUR HOME. We are just visitors and we need to focus on the real purpose we are here. I must admit my flesh has been getting in the way of the real reason I am here. I am here to serve my Father and to teach my son that same thing. But the thing with him is HE already knew that. I was in Aldi's the other day with his father doing our grocery shopping and we were talking about how much things are and he brought up the subject you can't sell me, I SAID UH NOPE, You are priceless. He said that no one will buy me, he said that Jesus already has, or something like he is already Jesus's. You have no idea on how that warms me up inside to hear my son say that He belongs to Jesus. That right there is what God wants to hear from us. He wants to hear his children say that, he wants to hear us say that and not be ashamed or foolish. Heck yes I will admitt, I am not perfect I sometimes feel stupid for saying stuff like that, But My son isn't ashamed or to proud to say it. HE KNOWS where he came from. That is God's inheritance. God just wants us to show him that we aren't to proud to proclaim him and love him. I was reminded in a prayer group that GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD, He wants more and more and more of us, He wants us to stop letting things get in the way of his love and wants us to spend time with him. I figure if he can give us free will, I will CHOOSE him. WHY wouldn't I? AFTER all he's done for me and my family, I can't think of a better way to say thank you. He wants us to show him that we really really want him, HE wants his bride all for himself. He isn't all about sharing, we have allowed the things of this world take the place of his love and his time. WE need to always be praying, interceding and spending time with him. He longs for us, he wants that. He doesn't want us to wander off and let things that aren't good for us to invade his territory ;) No but in all reality He just wants us. He accepted us with ALL flaws, He's not going to say, nope sorry your broken, nope you have issues. NO HE already took care of that the day his son went to the cross. YES we are human, but God is always working in each of us if we just let him. I am not going to lie, IT'S not going to easy, but then did he ever say it would be? WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SERVE? MAN OR GOD? I am proclaiming right now I AM GOING TO SERVE GOD. Because I know where I am going to spend the rest of my life after this life is done.

Accountablility

As I was taking my soon to be nine year old to school this morning, I had asked him if he had his shoes in his bag, We live in Iowa and got snow and he was all bundled up. He had his boots. He then informed me that no he didn't put his shoes in his bag, I had him get Everything rounded up and ready for school the night before. I told him that it's his responsibility to remember that. Well it makes me think the same thing as Christians. It's no one's responsibility but ours to read the word of GOD and to get to know him more and more, it's our responsibility to walk a Godly life and to not be complacement with the world. I have realized that I have for the longest time that I cared about what others thought if I witnessed a certain way, or if I was even making an impact on people. My whole goal is to please my GOD and if I am not then it's my responsibility to make sure I am. I can have accountability partners but they can't always make sure I am doing what I am supposed to do. I need to make sure I am the one who is doing what God has called me to do. I want to be a GOD changer and chaser, I don't want to sit back and just watch someone else get the blessing when I can be doing something about it. I want to change the world, I want to see lives changed. Sitting by and letting someone else isn't my way of changing it. I want to teach my son that it's ok to be different and that GOD loves us the way we are. I learned something recently that there is only one me, and that there are things that others can do that I can't or wasn't meant to do, and vice versa. My identity is in GOD and GOD alone. He knew what he was doing when he formed me. Psalm 139:13 says that he formed me in my mother's womb before she even knew I was in existance and he knew me before she did. That verse will get me every time, because he had me created for a reason. I have a purpose on earth and my purpose is to work for him and to change lives for him. I am responsible for myself, but I am mainly responsible and held accountable for what I do here on earth. When I am not doing what I was called to do, then I know that I need to change and do what I was supposed to do.

It's time to wake up.

It's New Years and I promised God that I would spend more time with him and read what he wants me to see. Today as I was reading the word, I normally read a Proverbs a day and then either the New Testament or Old Testament, I decided to read Isaiah and it's pretty much saying the exact same thing as my Proverb of the day. People it's time to wake up and stop being lazy. God isn't playing anymore, we have gone on long enough not doing what we were called here on this planet to do. That is to win his souls, People we are on borrowed time, WE need to stop messing around and stop thinking that we don't have what it takes to stand up and take back what is rightfully ours. God isn't impressed with how we have just laid back and let the enemy win. If I remember correctly, HE HAS and WILL be defeated. SO why are we just letting him win? Why are we so afraid? Because in the word it says multiple times that there is no fear when you are in God, God is our refuge, our strength is in him. We are to ride up on wings like an eagle. We aren't to be complacent in this world, this world isn't our home and it's like we as christians have given up. WE NEED TO STOP LETTING THE DEVIL WIN. We need to take back what he has taken from us. God's not playing around and he's getting tired of waiting and holding off. What is it going to take for us to realize that he's the Almighty GOD and that he is powerful and that we don't have to lay back and just wait to die? We have eternity and a better home and we need to listen and stop ignoring his calling. There are so many people that are dying that don't even know him and they are going to hell because we are to afraid to witness. It's our duty as Christians to get those souls and win them, If I remember correctly we are sinners every day, but we have eternity, we have a way out. Jesus didn't just go to the cross just for us, HE went FOR ALL. and we need to stop blaming things on others. We need to take responsibility and be held accountable. Our nation is hurting right now and she's dying unless we stand up and fight for her. Jesus's return is so so so close and just because it's the New Year doesn't mean we repeat what we've been doing. I personally am done being angry, hurt, rejected. Because in the end God is the one I want to stand out for. I am tired of trying to be a person of the style or clique. I want to shine for Jesus, yes I know I may fall but I will get back up and continue. But if you want to sit back and watch this world die, Be my guest, BUT I WANT to fight for her and the ones that Jesus died for. You may say, WELL they don't deserve it, they chose to live that way, they chose to live the lives that they are living, YES you are right, BUT if we don't do anything to witness or be used or sit back and talk and judge then what right do we have? When Jesus died on the cross, he didn't say, well I will die for those that are really serious about me. NO he died saying FORGIVE THEM FATHER FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY ARE DOING. His grace is sufficient and none of us deserve it. But he loves us ALL. I just want to be used and I am tired of just sitting by and seeing this world go to hell, I want to win as many as I can for him, I am tired of keeping quiet. I am a spokesperson for Jesus and I am not going to let some stupid devil keep me quiet. Because GOD is going to use me.